SMALLS TALK: Foul Ball Etiquette

Fans go nuts over foul balls. It's how it's always been and it's how it will always be. Even if you're hanging on the game's every pitch, you can't help but get mesmerized by a foul ball's mystique. With each ball that goes up into the seats, we wonder which fan will defy the 1 in 30,000 odds and win the Foul Ball Sweepstakes. The errant hit has a power over fans, and while we may not know where it's going or who will catch it, we do know that the play will result in at least one of the following: 1) A priceless souvenir... 2) An inconsolable child... 3) A fistfight... 4) A SportsCenter Top Play... 5) A SportsCenter NOT Top Play... 6) A trip to the hospital... or last, and most definitely least: 7) Adults acting like schoolgirls.

Balls hit out of play are a real life piece of the game that suddenly become available to the fans. In the matter of seconds, a baseball went from a Big League pitcher's hand to a Big Leaguer's bat, and now it's finally come to rest, in your hands. You can't help but feel a connection - you were part of a play with major league ballplayers. It actually is pretty cool. 

But some fans simply cannot handle the foul ball experience. The instant a ball enters the crowd, they lose their minds. They want that ball - they need that ball. It's not even a ball anymore - it's a Honus Wagner rookie card, a Wonka golden ticket, and the final Horcrux all rolled into one. The survival of mankind relies on their tracking down this prize - it's the reason they were put on God's green earth. And so, like a crackhead desperate for a fix, they hunt it down, refusing to be denied and terrorizing rows of helpless fans in the process.

But fortunately, in the minds of other - dare I optimistically say "most"? - fans, foul balls are simply a fun side effect of a baseball game. These fans are at the ballpark to enjoy nine innings of America's Pastime - if a foul ball comes their way, sure they'll go for it, but you won't find them rolling around on the ground or pulling another fan's hair for the souvenir. To these more sane fans, the foul ball itself dictates who will take it home. They respect the role that luck and chance play in the foul ball experience, as well as the skill and courage that go along with actually catching it. And if it bounces off the chosen fan's hands, it simply changes direction and presents another opportunity to a different fan. As for those balls that find their way under a seat? If it's under you, reach down and grab it. No diving. No pig-piling.

SMALLS TALK: The Art of the Autograph

I have been practicing my autograph since 6th grade science class. It wasn't so much because I thought I was going to be famous or have adoring fans to please, I just appreciated the look of a consistent and clean signature. I saw how my Dad signed his checks, how my Mom signed a note- it was the same every time. I was in awe of this stamp-like script they were able to reproduce to exact specifications time after time- I couldn't do that. In the hundreds of signatures that filled my science notebook, maybe three of them looked somewhat similar. But I spent hours of class time practicing, searching for that perfect mix of visual appeal, legibility, and easiness to repeat. I hated science.

I never really imagined there'd come a time when I was asked for my autograph on a consistent basis. Sure, the majority of the fans asking don't know my name or position- but I'm wearing a professional baseball uniform, and if that's good enough for them, then it's good enough for me.

The autograph is a bond between player and fan- a moment in time when a piece of apparel or equipment changes hands and serves as the focal point of a quick one-on-one connection. The autographs of most players won't wind up on Ebay as potential nest eggs, but will be placed on shelves or in scrapbooks- a memory of a great day at the ballpark.