MiLB LIFE: The Clubhouse Barber

Every team has one. The resident barber - the player who owns a pair of hair clippers and serves as stylist for the majority of the team. He's a staple in any clubhouse - but the talent level, well, that isn't so reliable. After witnessing far too many comically bad haircuts, I've learned there's a fine line between owning a pair of clippers, and actually knowing how to use them.

I've usually kept my distance from the clubhouse barber chair. Sure, a free haircut's a sweet deal - (although it's expected you give your teammate a little something, ya know, for the effort) - but my hair is on the longer side and I cringed just picturing what the end result may look like after a couple of razor swipes to the skull.

Most of these guys specialize in the few types of haircuts one can achieve with merely a pair of clippers - the fade, the mohawk, or the many different levels of the shaved head, or "wiffle" as I called it as a kid.

But this season, I hit the jackpot. Lacking means of transportation to go get a proper haircut, I spoke to our clubhouse barber about my options. "I could just give you a regular haircut. Trim you up with scissors, if you want." Wait, what?

SMALLS TALK: The Spit Hit

Ok, it's gross. But once you get over the whole spit flying everywhere thing, you gotta admit - it's pretty cool.

It's become an on-deck ritual of mine, and it can either make or break my entire psyche as I approach my next at-bat.

The Spit Hit is simple, really - you spit into the air, and in one fluid motion, you take a full swing, hoping to square up your target and blast saliva particles in every direction. Hey, I already admitted it was gross.

In the game of baseball, confidence is everything. The Spit Hit is simply a last second confidence booster - a tangible reminder that I can hit anything. What a sharp eye! And such lightning quick hands! After barrelling up a loogy, I head to the plate feeling invincible. And as disgusted as on-lookers may be, deep down, well, they're pretty impressed.

I first saw the Spit Hit in college. The kid who brought it to my attention was our team's best hitter and an eventual top draft pick - he had to be on to something, right? I'd watch him do it before games and think to myself, "Now that's a hitter. Someone who can just pick anything out of mid air and put the fat part of the bat on it, no problem."

SMALLS TALK: Being Friends With Pitchers

For some reason, all of my close friends are pitchers. I never noticed it until the other night. About seven of us were sitting around the kitchen table playing Poker, and I remembered a funny line our hitting coordinator had dropped during a hitters' meeting earlier that day. I broke out my best impression, delivering the line with such an uncanny precision and attention to detail that for a second, even I almost thought our coach had barged in, bought in for five bucks and was blabbering away at the end of the table. It was dead-on.

The reaction? Crickets. No one knew what the hell I was talking about, I couldn't believe it. Surely somebody present understood the reference. I looked around the table, searching for an ally - someone to back me up here. Pitcher. Pitcher. Pitcher, pitcher, pitcher. Pitcher. None of them had been at the hitters' meeting because, well, none of them were hitters. 

Wait, really? For months, I had been totally unaware that I was the token position player in our group of friends. I was baffled. Why were all my friends pitchers? 

MLU's HAT OF THE WEEK: Norfolk Tides

It's pretty much been established: any team sporting light blue on their cap will be featured on Hat of the Week. It's one of the best colors going, and combining it with other forms of blue - in this case, royal and navy - makes the look even better. In this case, it's simply a bonus that the Norfolk Tides happen to have one of the best logos in the game as well.

I mean, if the color scheme alone didn't have you standing and applauding, how about capping the "T" with a wave? Just sheer genius. Somewhere the designers of this logo are feeling pretty good about thesmelves.

This hat has all the criteria one could ask for looks wise - but, as the 3-13 Tides can attest to, a sharp hat doesn't win you any ball games. (Although I wouldn't be surprised if two of those wins had something to do with the hat.)

*The Norfolk Tides are a Triple-A affiliate of the Baltimore Orioles.

In case you missed it, check out SMALLS TALK: Minor League Hats are the Way to Go

Previous Hats of the Week

Arizona State Sun Devils
Fort Wayne TinCaps
Texas Longhorns
Auburn Doubledays
Houston Astros
Lancaster Jethawks
Anaheim Angels
Charlotte Stone Crabs
Superbowl Special (Pittsburgh Pirates & Milwaukee Brewers)
Lehigh Valley Ironpigs
Chattanooga Lookouts
Corpus Christi Hooks
Montgomery Biscuits

DUGOUT LINGO: "Ugly-Finder"

No matter where you are on a baseball diamond, the ball will find you. The dugout is no exception. Line drives, ground balls, pop flys, you name it. Whether you're hanging on the top step or sitting by the Gatorade cooler playing movie trivia, you're closer to home plate than the players on the field. Might wanna keep your head up.

So there you are, sitting in the dugout, racking your brain trying to come up with a 'Y' to clinch another 'Baseball Name Game' victory - Yogi and Yadier have already been used, of course - and you hear that crack of the bat. It's not a loud blast, but it's solid wood. You look up and see the ball gaining ground on you. It takes some choppy bounces, but it's got some steam on it. You do your best to avoid the incoming projectile, but the ball's locked on to you - its target is picked. 

Plunk. It gets you - usually on the shin, or some pure boney spot offering little to no meat for protection. You express your pain with some expletives, the dugout erupts with laughter, and those around you offer up their best wise crack. And then, you hear it: "Ugly-Finder!"

Adding insult to injury - literally. It always comes from the other side of the dugout, and it always gets at least a couple genuine chuckles. And the beauty of "Ugly-Finder" is that the "Ugly" portion is, of course, interchangible with hundreds of insulting phrases. As you can imagine, "Ugly" is far more tame than some of the more popular options - some can get downright nasty.

So next time you're in the dugout, be ready. If a foul ball finds you, it will undoubtedly be deemed a "_____-Finder." Unless you're really curious as to how your teammates will choose to make fun of you, save yourself a bruise to both body and ego - just get out of the way.

DUGOUT LINGO Series
"Pick Him Up"
"Poo-Slinger"

MiLB LIFE: Extended Spring Training

I find myself in Baseball Purgatory. It's not Spring Training. It's not the regular season. It's not even a plane ticket back into the real world job market. Nope, it's Extended Spring Training - and both the length of my stay and my next destination are unknown.

When Spring Training ended last week and team rosters were published, my name was nowhere to be found. As teammates and friends began to pack their bags for greener pastures, I stayed put. I was a man without a team - and Spring Training was far from over.

There were about twenty of us left behind. A few days later, forty more guys who hadn't been invited to Spring Training showed up.

Suddenly, it was day one all over again - the introductions, the meetings, the drills. As my friends prepared for the start of a 140-game season, I was beginning Spring Training all over again.

As discouraging as it is to be in Extended, I do take comfort in a simple phrase that has served as consolation to millions before me: "It could be worse." It's true. I'm healthy, I didn't get released, and I'm living in a city that is far nicer than any town I'd be playing in had I made a roster. It could be worse.

SMALLS TALK: You Play Right Field?

Whenever someone asks me what position I play, I always try to gauge their Baseball IQ before issuing a response. If the person seems to have a grasp on the game - or better yet, some playing experience at a competitive level - it's a no-brainer: "Right Field."

But if the inquirer strikes me as the type of fan who's surprised to discover baseball spikes are actually metal - or someone who would pronounce the first name of Chone Figgins as it is spelled - well, that's when it gets tricky. When fielding the question from this lesser-informed type of baseball fan, my reply becomes decidedly more vague: "Outfield."

The second response is less specific, but it's no lie. Whether you're a corner guy or a center fielder, outfielders are often times labeled by the all-encompassing 'OF' tag.

But while I've played hundreds of games at all three outfield positions, during the last few seasons, I've found myself in Right Field night after night. It's become my everyday spot, and the definite answer to which position I play - so why not just say so? 

MLU's HAT OF THE WEEK: Fort Wayne TinCaps

This logo makes me laugh. An apple wearing a kitchen pot on its head - or is it a pan? Either way - only in Minor League Baseball.

The MiLB team in Fort Wayne, Indiana went from the "Wizards" to the "TinCaps" in 2008, and I must say, I'm a fan of the name change. As whimsical and fun as the idea of a wizard may be, it leaves a little something to be desired as a mascot. Instead of thinking magic and Merlin, I think Gilbert Arenas - or even worse, MJ version 3.0. The word has lost its magic - not to mention, the whole Harry Potter craze has made wizardry more mainstream than Justin Beiber. I'm just thankful they didn't become the Fort Wayne 'Vampires'.

The upgraded name brought a new and improved look along with it. The new logo is both simple and unique, while evoking a certain Dennis the Menace type innocence. Throw this trouble-making apple on a nice green hat, and the fans in Fort Wayne have got themselves a nice new lid to wear to the ball park.

The TinCaps. Who comes up with this stuff?

*The Fort Wayne TinCaps are a single-A affiliate of the San Diego Padres.

In case you missed it, check out SMALLS TALK: Minor League Hats Are the Way to Go

Previous Hats of the Week

Texas Longhorns
Auburn Doubledays
Houston Astros
Lancaster Jethawks
Anaheim Angels
Charlotte Stone Crabs
Superbowl Special (Pittsburgh Pirates & Milwaukee Brewers)
Lehigh Valley Ironpigs
Chattanooga Lookouts
Corpus Christi Hooks
Montgomery Biscuits

SMALLS TALK: It's Not Always Sunny in Arizona

After almost two weeks of perfect baseball weather, the Arizona skies finally showed their mortality today. Dark clouds, violent winds, heavy rain- all that was missing was a dog named Toto. The result? A much needed day off. But it wasn't a guarantee. Nope, we had to sweat this one out.

After looking at the forecast last night, we all walked into the clubhouse this morning prepared for a rain-out. Kids who had visitors in town told them not to bother coming to the field; other guys were looking up early matinee movie times, and some even looked as though they hadn't even bothered fully waking up- perhaps prepared to go back to bed immediately after notice of a wash out. We were ready for the rain-out. Mother Nature, on the other hand, was not.

We sat around the locker room in our street clothes waiting for rain that just would not come. After a good half hour, we looked around at each other with uncertainty- the time had finally come for us to get ready to head out to the field. We all tentatively threw on our uniforms, most of us wearing long sleeves for the first time since arriving. This was just a formality, we thought. The second we go outside, it's gonna start pouring. It's almost funny that we're even bothering to put our uniforms on. It was so dark and windy, all signs pointed to torrential downpour. No way would we play baseball today. Right?

SMALLS TALK: Tee Work

It's just sitting there. It's stationary atop the tee, just waiting to be clobbered. It's not moving 95 MPH. It's not curving, cutting, tailing, or dropping. The baseball is just there - helpless.

When you think of professional baseball players hitting off of a tee it's almost laughable. These guys are some of the best hitters in the world, and they're performing an activity that has 6-year olds everywhere smirking with confidence.

As I stand over the tee about to take my hack, I can't help but think of Happy Gilmore practicing his short game at the Putt Putt Mini-Golf Course: "This is embarrassing, I'm a professional golfer for God's sake." Amen.

The ball isn't even moving - where's the challenge?

Turns out, it's not that simple. Go into any college or professional hitting facility and you will find between one and three tees for every batting cage. It's an essential item - a mainstay in any hitting routine. Regardless of your talent level, there's always something to work on - you can never outgrow the tee. Even Big Leaguers are fans of the seemingly elementary tool - Hall of Famer Cal Ripken, Jr. was rumored to take over 200 swings off a tee everyday during his lengthy career.

MiLB LIFE: First Day of Spring Training [Part Two]

*In case you missed it, check out MiLB LIFE: First Day of Spring Training [Part One]

After an early wake-up, an extensive physical, and a hearty breakfast, it's time to do what we all traveled thousands of miles to do- play some ball.

8:30 AM - Cages Open

After hanging around the clubhouse, catching up with forgotten faces, and digesting my heaping pile of eggs, it's finally time to swing a bat. I head outside amongst a crowd of clones- all outfitted with the same new gear head to toe, bat in hand- as we make our way to the cages for "optional" early work.

Once outside, we are greeted by a row of eight batting cages, all set up to serve a different purpose. For the next half hour we work out the off-season kinks in our swings through tee work, flips, and soft toss- elementary cage drills focused on perfecting your bat's path to the ball.

There's some definite rust on the old swing, but for the moment I'm just thrilled to be outside. Baseball is a game that rewards repetitive practice, so although I may not feel great right now, I have no doubt everything will start clicking again soon after consecutive days of countless swings and hard work.

I look at this half hour as a chance to simply get back into baseball mode, put the bat on the ball a little bit, and really just get excited about the start of Spring Training. After months of swinging indoors, this Arizona sun is feeling mighty nice. 

MLU's HAT OF THE WEEK: Auburn Doubledays

I have not exactly been subtle about my appreciation for red hats. They're my favorite. They stand out without being too obnoxious, and in my opinion, the loud color evokes a certain air of confidence. Partner it with a solid logo and you've got yourself a pretty sharp lid, my friend.

That's what we have here with the Auburn Doubledays. This is a hat that could only be found in the Minor League ranks. While Big League emblems appear more simple and professional, the Minors have a little more fun with their logos. And what better way to pay tribute to the alleged creator of our favorite sport than by throwing a ball cap and an oversized mustache onto a Capital 'A'?

This one's for Abner!

*The Auburn Doubledays are a single-A short-season affiliate of the Washington Nationals.

In case you missed it, check out SMALLS TALK: Minor League Hats Are the Way to Go

Previous Hats of the Week

Houston Astros
Lancaster Jethawks
Anaheim Angels
Charlotte Stone Crabs
Superbowl Special (Pittsburgh Pirates & Milwaukee Brewers)
Lehigh Valley Ironpigs
Chattanooga Lookouts
Corpus Christi Hooks
Montgomery Biscuits

MiLB LIFE: First Day of Spring Training [Part One]

After six months of waiting, the day had finally come.

I arrived at the Arizona hotel at 9:00 PM on Tuesday night experiencing a rare combination of exhaustion and excitement. I had spent the bulk of my day in airports, planes, and shuttles and had finally reached my much anticipated destination.

I lugged my bags upstairs and was eager to do nothing more than immediately test the sleepability of my hotel bed. But as desperate as I was to get some rest, I was even more anxious to awake from that slumber and begin the opening stages of my season. Spring Training was just a night's sleep away- actually, it was even closer than I expected.

"DO NOT EAT OR DRINK AFTER MIDNIGHT TONIGHT. THE BUS LEAVES AT 5:45 AM. PLEASE PEE IN THE CUP IN THE MORNING."

I found this team-issued memo sitting on my night stand, accompanied by the aforementioned "cup," of course. Day one was coming, and it was gonna be a long one.

MiLB LIFE: Packing for Spring Training

Joltin' Joe was known to pack a mean suitcase.

I hate packing. Hate it. To me, the whole process is far more strenuous than it should be. It ought to be simple, right? Bats, gloves, cleats, clothes- what else is there?

It’s that last question that drives me crazy. After more travel experiences than I can remember, I have never departed with a clear mind, focused solely on the excitement of the trip ahead. There is always that irritating worry in the back of my mind that I forgot something. Something essential, no doubt.

Then there’s the laundry list of questions that contribute to the anxiety of the packing experience. How many bags can I bring? Do I have a bag that can fit a bat inside of it? What about seven bats? What’s the weather going to be like? What do I want to wear for the next six months? It’s a draining process- it’s no wonder I always leave it for the last second.

Last year, I grossly over-packed. I went through every possible scenario that could have occurred during the summer months, and made sure to pack the appropriate attire. Whether it was poker with the boys or a last second invitation to an 80’s theme party, chances are I was equally prepared wardrobe-wise.

SMALLS TALK: Approaching Spring Training

(This article was written for my friends at FullWindup.com)

One more day. After months of being asked when I would head to Spring Training, I had developed a signature response: "Not til early March." The expression was in the holster at all times, cocked and loaded, ready to be fired back at anyone who asked the popular question.

I said it so many times that the phrase had lost all meaning. It was a concept that always seemed so distant and irrelevant at the moment. Although I was training on a daily basis, I had grown accustomed to my off-season life- baseball was on the back burner.

But today, as I began cleaning out my apartment and saying goodbye to friends, it hit me. It had quickly become "Early March," and I was a mere twenty-four hours away from the beginning stages of the 2011 season. Baseball was near. One more day.

With that realization, my mind naturally began to wander: Am I ready? Did I do enough during the off-season? What level will I start at? What team will my friends start on?

The Future of Minor League University

Minor League University got me through the off-season. I went to work every day, not dreading the stack of paperwork or staff meetings that were ahead of me, but excited about the hour long block of my day I had set aside to be 'Scotty Smalls'. I was anxious to share little tidbits of my life in the minors, and I couldn't wait to go on rants about anything related to the wide world of baseball. 

My off-season job was perfect. After a long season, I needed a break from baseball, and I appreciated my time away from the game- but for that chunk of the morning I spent writing the day's post, I was right back in baseball mode, and I loved it. In a setting where passion and excitement were lacking, it was a daily reminder of my love for the game- a small way for me to stay connected.

So now that my time at the office is over and my departure for Spring Training is a mere week away, what does the future hold for MLU?

Lawlessness. Sheer lawlessness.

SMALLS TALK: Last Day at Work

My last day at the office has finally come. After six months of 6 AM wake-ups, shirts and ties, staff meetings, spreadsheets, phone calls and paper jams, the time has come for me to leave this place and head to greener pastures- it's time to start my other 'job.'

My last day here will be just another day at the office- no party, not one balloon, not even a card. My colleagues offered to get me a cake but I politely declined- who needs those empty calories?

I'm actually relieved that nothing big is going on today- it will give me time to complete all the work I've been putting off for the past six months. Projects to finish, emails to follow up on, phone calls to put in- I've got a long day ahead of me.

But at the end of the day, I'll move on, and baseball will once again be my main focus.

The truth is, I liked my job here at the office, and I was lucky to have it. Finding a full-time job for half a year with zero work experience is not the easiest thing to do, but somehow I got it. I worked with some great people, finally got a non-baseball item for my resumé, and got a chance to make some actual money: an ideal off-season gig, really.

SMALLS TALK: My Bat of Choice

Every player wants to trust the bat in his hand. He wants it to feel comfortable and familiar, and when he swings it, he's looking for consistency and pop.

These desires are universal - but when it comes to the dimensions of that bat in their hands, most players vary in preference.

Aside from the obvious weight and length, there are different aspects to every model. There are big barrels, medium barrels, and long barrels. Handles can be thick, skinny, even tapered. Do you like a lighter feel, or perhaps the momentum of a top-heavy bat? Do you want it finished with that glossy look - maybe even double-dipped? Or perhaps you prefer the grainy feel of raw, unfinished wood?

What about the end of the bat - do you want it cupped or rounded? And what color would you like?

Decisions, decisions.

That's the fun of wood bats, though. Unlike metal, there's no exact mold or specifications that need to be followed directly - your bat can be custom built for you, and there are countless models to pick from. The trouble isn't in deciding what kind of bat you like, however - that comes to you as time passes and you gain more experience with wood. Nope, the trouble is deciding which of the countless bat companies to turn to when it comes time to order that perfect bat.

For me, it's Zorian Bat Company.

COLLEGE to PRO: Team Dynamic

Minor League Baseball is not about championships. It's not about making friends, or winning baseball games- it's about player development. Every player begins his season looking to get better, achieve personal success, and finish up the year at a higher level- and if the team wins, well that's great, too- I guess.

It's a concept that has taken a while for me to fully grasp- winning is secondary? I'm not pulling for my teammates?

I spent four years in college putting the team first, and I wasn't alone- that was our mentality. Nothing was more important to me than my teammates and our collective success. The team was a unit- we were best friends on a mission to win baseball games and finish our season in Omaha. We were a family, really. All that time spent together, how could we not be? We shared a common goal and rallied around it- there was nothing any of us wouldn't do for one of our teammates.

Now I'm not saying that people don't want to win in pro ball- it's just not a main focus. And when you take winning out of the equation, you're really no longer a team- you are now 25 individuals trying to achieve individual success. And in our sport, sometimes that works- after all, baseball is an individual game with merely a team concept. Guys hit back to back home runs: it's good for both of their stats, and it's good for the team- regardless of whether or not helping the team was a part of their motive.

MiLB LIFE: Do You Have an Agent?

Believe it or not, I get this question a lot. And hey, why shouldn't I? I'm a professional athlete- I get paid to play baseball. Shouldn't I have someone watching my back, promoting my worth, and negotiating major endorsements on my behalf? I'd have to be crazy to not have some form of representation to at least serve as a mediator between myself and the organization- right?

The truth is, I can't help but smile when people ask me about an agent. Me? An agent?

For that split second, I feel like a big deal. Just being asked the question- being associated with the term "agent"- intitiates a mental montage of Ari Gold, Scott Boras, Drew Rosenhaus, and Jerry Maguire's greatest hits.

I think to myself, "Why the hell would I need an agent? I was a senior who signed for almost nothing and I make a uniform monthly salary- what's there to negotiate?" I sit there, almost embarrassed as I realize this person thinks I'm a bigger star than I actually am.

To be honest, I could have an agent. Hell, I even spoke to a few before the draft about a possible relationship- but in the end, it just didn't make enough sense to me.

As a late-round senior, my signing bonus was essentially pre-determined- not much negotiating to be done there. And once you start pro-ball, every player of the same draft class makes the same amount regardless of draft round, organization, or potential as a prospect. You see slight pay increases throughout the levels, but it's years before you actually get to the point of negotiating a contract. I receive a standard MiLB monthly salary- what would an agent do for me?